This week’s post for the Greeley Moms was inspired by a good friend who made the best of a tough situation. This is something I’m working on daily. Thanks for reading and letting me share from the heart! What would you add to the list?
My heart sank heavily Monday morning after I watched a news clip on GMA about murder charges being filed against the fraternity in the December death of 19-year-old Chun “Michael” Deng. Michael died two days after experiencing blunt force trauma to the head during a hazing ritual with his fraternity on a retreat in Pennsylvania, and the tragedy grows deeper as the details of the story unfold.
After Michael lost consciousness, his fraternity brothers waited an hour before three of them took him to get medical attention.
One full hour.
This delay, this hesitation, this time to debate and decide and worry about getting into trouble, is where this tragedy grips my heart. I truly hope some of those fraternity brothers knew what they needed to do to save their friend. So why didn’t they act? Is this an example of negative peer pressure at its worst? Or is it an example of self-preservation outweighing the value of another’s life?
As a parent, this tragedy fills me with compassion for all of the families involved while also stirring a deep desire for me to do my best to raise brave, courageous and compassionate kids. Even though my children are only two and a half, I don’t think it’s ever too early to start to instill these values.
I want to take my girls to volunteer, serve and give of themselves so they will learn the value and joy of making sacrifices for others.
I want to encourage my girls to consider the perspectives and feelings of others so they won’t hesitate for even a second when it comes to seeking help for the suffering.
I want my girls to learn to own their mistakes, even when it means facing the consequences of their actions, so they will value integrity.
I want to teach my girls how to stand up for what’s right even when they hear 29 (or more) of their friends trying to convince them to do otherwise.
I want to find news stories about courageous men, women and children and share them with my girls to encourage and inspire us all.
I want to remind my girls about the bravery of their great-grandfathers who fought in World War II and the Korean War and challenge them to live a life worthy of the sacrifice made by these great men with whom they share a family name.
This compassion and courage won’t develop over night, and I know I will have to model these values daily if I truly want to teach them to my girls. The task seems daunting, but I’m up for the challenge. Michael’s loss deserves to be honored with a commitment to prevent this type of tragedy from occurring in the future.
Parents, are you with me? Who knows whose lives may depend on the courage of our children one day.
Looking for a fun way to entertain your child at a Fourth of July parade? Here’s a kid-friendly scavenger hunt to print out and take with you. Click here to open or save the scavenger hunt: Fourth of July Scavenger Hunt Printable
Be sure to check out the companion article (to run on July 3) about the Greeley Stampede Independence Day Parade: http://www.greeleymoms.com.
Have a happy and safe Independence Day!
Bad manners seem to be running rampant on Facebook and social media lately. From complaining about friends and family in status updates to rude comments to posting pictures without permission, a lack of tactfulness seems to be more of the rule than the exception.
Since becoming a mom, I have realized I need to model the behavior I want my girls to have one day. My hope is my daughters will behave like ladies no matter where they are, be it in public or online, because having good manners will never go out of style.
This story about a mom whose photo was unknowingly taken while she was discreetly nursing her 6-month-old baby at a restaurant last week (http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/breastfeeeding-in-public-photo-06162014-privacy-rights-laws/?scid=fb_wallPost) is a great example of the wild situations which bad behavior on social media can create. The mom’s photo was posted on Facebook without her permission, and she unwillingly became the center of a huge firestorm around breastfeeding in public. If the photo taker had a few manners and a little sympathy, this unfortunate situation could have been prevented.
After finding some inspiration from this great article about Facebook etiquette (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-m-brown/facebook-etiquette_b_5268789.html), here are my tips for acting classy online.
Think Before You Type: Whether it be a ranting status update or an angry comment, give yourself some time to cool off before you type something you’ll regret. Everything on Facebook is stored in their servers indefinitely, so make sure your words don’t come back to haunt you one day. Have a trusted friend or a spouse weigh in before you reply to help you gain some perspective.
Be Polite: If you are tempted to type something which you wouldn’t say to someone in person, this is a great sign that you shouldn’t put the nasty words on social media. It is incredibly rude to hide behind a computer screen or an iPhone and say something ugly to someone which you would never say to his or her face. Your friends and family are reading your typed words, and just because they aren’t spoken doesn’t make them any less hurtful, offensive or real.
Ask First: Before you tag an unflattering picture of your junior high bestie, a cute photo of a friend’s new baby or a snapshot from a wild party, get permission. Someone may not want the picture broadcast to their entire friends list or their employer, especially if it shows them in an unprofessional setting. Sometimes new parents want to be the first ones to share a picture of their baby or would rather you not post a picture of their child, so always ask permission to be on the safe side.
Skip the Drama: If you have a big blow out with a close friend, resist the urge to blast them on social media. Even a vague status update such as, “I really can’t believe some people,” can lead friends and family to question what happened and may lead the involved parties feeling betrayed. Everyone has fights and arguments, but it will be much harder to make amends if you publicly shared your unhappiness. The same goes for your spouse. Keep your arguments and dirty laundry private.
You Can’t Reason with Crazy: One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to leave “crazy” alone. If someone is passionately responding to something which you’ve shared or typed, it’s ok to let it be. Your friends will see the situation for what it is without you getting into a back and forth reply situation which could likely have no ending. There are people in this world who insist on having the last word no matter how hard you try to remedy the situation or find a solution, and it’s not worth your energy to continue to argue with them. Choose the high road, and accept that you cannot reason with crazy.
When in Doubt, Think About Your Kids: A great filter to use in social media is to think about how you would want your child to respond in the same situation. If your daughter was in your shoes and had a tacky comment written on her status update, how would you suggest she handle it? In all actuality, we are setting an example of manners and appropriate online behavior for our children, so it’s a great way to teach or prepare to teach our kids.
Sympathize: Remember you are not alone in the Facebook world by a long shot, and that anonymous photo which you snap to express your disgust or shock (like the one of the mom breast feeding) are not as anonymous as you might think. The same goes for the authors of an article or blog post which you simply hate. Everyone is someone’s child, and all of your interactions on social media need to keep this in mind.
Keep it PG: This may make me sound old-fashioned, but I’d rather not see my newsfeed filled with obscene language and dirty jokes. If you must share something inappropriate, use messenger, email or the “share only with” setting. This also protects you in the long run with potential employers and others who you will interact with in a professional setting.
Have Grace: We are all going to make social media blunders, and having grace and forgiveness with others is the only way to expect them to have grace and forgiveness towards us one day. We are learning, human and imperfect, and we live in an imperfect world. Social media is simply a reflection of that.
While I’m not sure we can make much of a difference in the overall climate on social media, I know we can each exercise control over our personal actions online. And there is always the “unfollow” button for those repeat offenders who fill up our newsfeeds. Rise above, friends, and stay classy!
Greeley moms, what other social media manners do you want to teach your kids?
Before and after photos typically celebrate major weight loss, dramatic plastic surgery or some starlet who has returned to looking fabulous after having kids.
What if a before and after picture was designed to celebrate a return to a “mom” body? This picture of Australian mom of three Taryn Brumfitt below set off a social media firestorm a few months ago for breaking the mold and embracing body:
After training for and competing in a bikini body contest, Brumfitt realized having a “perfect” body left her emotionally and spiritually unhealthy at the end of the competition. She decided to return back to her balanced lifestyle of moderate exercise, occasional treats and typical “mom” life. After many tears and making plans to have a tummy tuck and breast augmentation, she had a breakthrough.
Brumfitt felt a strong conviction that teaching her daughter to have a healthy body image could only be accomplished through learning to love her own body as a mom with all of its bumps, lumps and wrinkles. She is now on a mission to educate women everywhere by filming a documentary (which will be funded through a Kickstarter campaign) about the root of widespread body image issues and how freeing it can be to embrace your body just the way it is. This quote from a video clip on Huff Post Women captures the heart of her movement:
“I want women to stop striving for it [the perfect body]. I want women to start focusing more on their accomplishments [and] how they contribute to the world. If women can remove this chip, this body shaming and hating chip, get it out of their head…it allows them to contribute more, and that’s what it’s all about.”
As a mom of twins who hates swimsuit shopping and has researched and seriously considered a tummy tuck to repair my stretched out and saggy middle, this movement is a breath of fresh air to a weary soul.
I have cried too many tears over clothes which didn’t fit the way they used to, and I wish I had saved those tears for a conversation with a friend who was going through a hard time.
I have spent too many hours reading books about abdominal exercises and tummy tucks after someone once again told me I looked pregnant, and I wish I could have spent those hours laughing with my family in the backyard.
I have made too many nasty comments to my reflection in the mirror, and I wish I could have used those words to encourage a fellow mom.
I am done wasting my time in the quest for the perfect body. I’m going to learn to love this body not only for my sake but as an example for my daughters, and I am pouring my energy into things which are more important in life.
I challenge you to join me in sharing Taryn’s story and the Body Image Movement. We deserve it, and our daughters absolutely deserve it. #Ihaveembraced
Swimsuit shopping with my new “mom” body has been quite a nightmare…can you relate? Here’s this week’s post for the Greeley Moms:
What do you think? Have you had a similar experience? Thanks for reading and sharing!
Mother’s Day has come and gone yet again, and I am shocked at how a Hallmark holiday can wreak havoc on the emotions of women everywhere.
For some of you, this Mother’s Day may have been the best day ever. Maybe your family spoiled you from the moment you woke up until your head hit the pillow at night, showering you with love and gifts.
For others, maybe Mother’s Day was a huge disappointment. The one gift you wanted was forgotten, your family was distracted and you ended the day feeling frustrated and unappreciated.
For the rest of us, it was probably a nice day. The kids did something to make you feel special, and the world continued as normal with dishes, laundry and maybe even getting showered with vomit while you cuddled a sick child who loves you so dearly.
No matter how your Mother’s Day turned out, it’s over. Let it go. Say your thanks, make your peace and don’t let yourself get caught up in whining, complaining, husband-bashing and pouting which seems to be wide-spread following Mother’s Day.
I have a theory related to as to why so many of us end up feeling disappointed as the sun sets on Mother’s Day. As women, we tend to pride ourselves on planning activities and gifts for other people. We spend hours on Pinterest to find the perfect handmade craft for a friend or a spouse, and we have grand plans for celebrating every holiday from children’s birthdays to National Ice Cream Day and every holiday in between. When someone else, namely a husband, doesn’t put the same time and energy into planning our special day, it’s easy to be frustrated.
The second part of my post-Mother’s Day-pouting theory is also related to social media. It’s easy for us as moms to get wrapped up in the viral videos about having the world’s toughest job and to make ourselves out to be martyrs for carrying babies, giving birth and for all of the work which comes along with mothering children. These are all noble tasks, but they don’t entitle us to anything more than the love and respect of our families.
So forget Pinterest, forget playing the martyr card and look back on your Mother’s Day with some perspective. Life with kids hardly ever goes as planned, and Mother’s Day likely wasn’t exactly as you had planned or imagined, either. (One of my kids was sick. She literally soaked me in vomit. Soaked. Someone clearly forgot to tell her that Mother’s Day was supposed to be my day off.)
Have a little grace. The holiday is highly commercialized, and we shouldn’t let one measly little 24-hour period dictate how loved we feel by our families. We also shouldn’t use it as an excuse for bad behavior.
So whether you were spoiled or frustrated on Sunday, do what mothers do best: bust into a rendition of “Let It Go,” wash the vomit off of your favorite sweater, be thankful for your kids and family and consider dropping better hints for next year.
This post originally appeared on the Greeley Moms’ page last week, and I forgot to share it when it was more timely and relevant. Here is the link to the original posting: http://www.greeleytribune.com/news/feature3/11420024-113/kids-family-frustrated-holiday.