The over-achieving parents out there have found an outlet to make the rest of us feel terrible. Or just annoyed. Or stricken with a terrible case of acute Pinterest overload.
Let me explain.
My girls turn the big t-w-o this month, and I thought it would be a good idea to search Pinterest for Dora birthday ideas. (Yes, Nickelodeon, you have an opportunity to make even more money off of me. We are now adding birthday party items to the insanely huge collection of Dora
junk gear we have purchased. You’re welcome.)
The search gave me thousands of results. Or millions. Who knows. It was late one night after I put the girls to sleep when I started looking, and my estimation skills are seriously lacking after 11 p.m.
So after I started looking through the Pinterest results for this Dora birthday party, well, let’s just say I was better off before I ever typed in those three little words into the search field and hit enter. I feel morally obligated to warn ALL mothers who are considering getting birthday ideas from Pinterest so they can avoid the misery of acute Pinterest overload (or APO for short).
In fact, my case of APO was so terrible that I have written the following public service announcement to be released to all major social networks IMMEDIATELY:
Acute Pinterest overload, or APO as it will be called henceforth, is likely to strike all under-achieving mothers, particularly those who were formerly over-achievers and have joined the under-achieving team after having children. Those with limited time to devote to meaningless tasks, those who are unable to shower daily and those who are not exceptionally crafty should proceed with extra caution as they are even more susceptible to APO.
APO will likely disguise itself in the beginning as excitement, elation or even glee at finding hundreds and thousands of ideas on Pinterest devoted to the exact topic for which one is searching. The mother may even think to herself, “This is fabulous! I never dreamed I could plan such a fabulous party for my child who is too young to ever remember the occasion!” The higher the number of search results, though, the higher the likelihood of developing APO.
The mother will almost always create a new Pinterest board devoted to the new topic at hand, likely a Dora-themed second birthday party or other equally important event, and will quickly pin ten, twenty or even one million ideas to the said board in a very short amount of time. Fellow Pinners who notice their Pinterest home page flooding with pins related to this said event should act immediately to prevent the pinning mother from falling victim to APO.
The mother will likely experience a few minutes of ecstasy as she encounters many pins which might include: 1) beautiful food tables sitting picturesquely below ceilings draped with yards and yards of coordinating fabrics, 2) life-sized Dora pinatas filled with homemade candy and 3) two-story-high murals created by linking together hundreds of inflated balloons. Shortly thereafter, the victim is likely to start to enter the second phase of APO known as the “You’ve got to be kidding me” phase.
The “You’ve got to be kidding me” phase is characterized by sheer awe that some mother somewhere had the time and energy to devote to hand-sewing each child a purple backpack and map as a party favor AFTER making herself an adult-sized Dora costume to wear while leading the party-goers on the two-hour long Dora scavenger hunt she created. The mother may wonder if some of the pins she is finding are jokes or advertisements placed by professional party planning companies in Beverly Hills where someone might actually spend the money to give each toddler a hand-sewn Dora backpack as a ridiculously over-priced party favor.
“You’ve got to be kidding me” will likely be overheard multiple times during this phase, especially if the mother finds a pin with meticulously decorated cake pops to look like Dora’s face or hundreds of tiny Dora flags designed to be printed at home, cut out and glued to toothpicks and stuck into cheese cubes on the beautiful food table.
Next, the victim will likely begin to experience feelings of rage or anger directed at the over-achievers who have put all of the ridiculousness on Pinterest in the first place. Professionals refer to this phase as the “Hating on the over-achievers” phase, and it may last longer in mothers with anger issues or who are still at odds with their own under-achieving lifestyle. Mothers who have finally learned to let things go and enjoy life as an under-achiever may not spend much time in this phase and may move quickly into the final stage of APO.
Once the rage and anger has subsided, the victim will hopefully being to enter the final stage of APO known as the “Forget it all and go shopping” phase. Behaviors characteristic of this stage include purchasing boring birthday décor at Wal-Mart, Target or the Dollar Store, ordering cupcakes at the grocery store bakery, using a web-based invitation service like e-Vite and calling the party planning complete.
APO is a serious ailment, and all mothers should help one another to avoid falling victim to this preventable condition.
Have you had a similar experience with Pinterest? Did you struggle with planning a birthday party or other event after experiencing APO?
Link to the original post on the Greeley Tribune website: http://www.greeleytribune.com/news/feature3/9764688-113/apo-pinterest-party-dora